Gen Writes

Today has been a whirlwind. Many downs and ups and hopefully ending with some stability.

I was expecting to be discharged today, but we had to get the okay from several different doctors. My cardiologist gave his clearance first thing in the morning. (Naturally, he was the first one I wanted to let me go. Super nice man. But he’s a cardiologist. ‘Nuf said.) My nephrologist (simple terms: kidney doc) wanted to run some more tests. It was during this time that a sharp pain developed in my calf and everyone went into hyperdrive to make sure it wasn’t a blood clot. I saw nurses tearing up, and doctors sighing, saying, “We gotta get you outta here. You’ve been here for too long.” Hmn. Yes. I would agree with that. Except that my baby is still going to be here. But I’m done being sick now. So discharge me already.

Further testing ruled out the blood clot. Everyone sighed in relief and cheered for my “new health.” The pain, however, is still there. When the nephrologist finally came to talk to me, he gave me the results of all the testing he’d been doing. My calcium levels are finally into the “normal zone. Low normal. But normal.” I can continue to take supplements to build that back up. The mag they had me on for a few days kills all calcium. Evidently, it killed quite a bit because they had me on a lot of calcium via IV. My electrolytes are still imbalanced because of the high toxicity in my body from the pre-eclampsia. They are starting to level out and will continue to over the next few weeks. My proteins are still super high (which can cause heaviness of breathing, pains in legs, etc etc), but the good news is that they are moving in the right direction. Normal proteins should be about 200. Since mine were so high (over 9000) it’s naturally going to take my body longer to get back to normal. They are now at about 2000. There are naturally going to be side effects still existing from the pre-eclampsia and my kidney function. However, they are optimistic that my kidneys are not permanently damaged. They will return to normal and I will be fine. Provided I don’t get pregnant again.

So there you have it. I am to be discharged tomorrow where I will be forced to leave my baby boy. I fully trust the doctors and nurses here. They are a splendid group and have been nothing but supportive and caring for both me and my son. I don’t anticipate it being an easy departure. But I have two other sons and a husband that need me and for whom my heart aches to be with. We have all been in severe deprivation of snuggle time.

Our house is a disaster, I’m sure, as Dan is frantically trying to finish the “updating” process before C comes home. We have had some wonderful volunteers to help him. God is good. The more, the merrier. The sooner it’s done, the less stress on all of us. And believe me, the stress is piling.

This evening, when I visited C in the NICU, he opened his eyes when he heard my voice. We looked into each other’s eyes and he scanned my face as I wept and talked to him. We stayed like that for at least 10 minutes. The nurse thought it was longer. He was so peaceful and calm and then he got tired and his eyes closed. He opened them a few more times to make sure I was still there before closing them again and falling asleep. Let me tell you, my heart melted like it’s never melted before. And God alone gave me the strength to keep standing. (I had also walked to the NICU for the first time.)

We know that each prayer that has gone up on behalf of C and myself has been received and answered. It’s a miracle that both of us are alive today and on the mend. “It may get worse before it gets better,” are words we’ve heard many times. And that prediction has come true. And it still may again. It’s been a roller coaster ride, as many of you have said. Also true. Just not as fun as a roller coaster.

We have been blown away by your support and gestures of kindness. We can’t turn your offers away. We need you. And we’ll continue to need you. Someone is working on putting together a website that will show you just how you can best help us in the days and weeks to come. And please, if you know of someone else in need, maybe coordinating a care site for them is what you can do for them. It’s such a huge help in time of crisis.

We love you all.

Gen